community commitments

One page, read once. Good for the Party Line, Meat Space, and anywhere else here that connects you to real people.

Whether you’re joining a Discord voice channel or sitting down at somebody’s kitchen table, the same basic thing is happening: people are trusting each other with time, attention, and sometimes personal safety. So instead of a different set of rules for every doorway, there’s one commitment that covers the Party Line, Meat Space, and anything else here that connects you to other real people.

When You Actually Need to Sign something

It’s different depending on the door.

• The Party Line — sign first. It’s virtual, and getting the Discord invite depends on it.
• Meat Space — the other way around. Nobody’s asking a stranger to fill out a form before they’ll let them into a potluck; you get in the first time because someone who already knows you vouches for you in the room. Sign it afterward, if you want to keep being invited.

Before You Sign, Some Homework

• Read the 5 Steps — the five small, ordinary things this whole thing is built on. The deeper reading listed there is optional, but worth it if you want the “why” behind the “what.”
• Read Discord How To if Discord is new to you — no assumed knowledge; we’re all learning togeter.
• Nothing here is a finished project, we’re all learning how to be Helpers together.  Tuesday’s Meat Space Pitch on the Party Line is just an opportunity to make something real with other people — someone brings a half-formed idea, other people opt in, and it becomes yours (plural) to build. 

A Note on Assumptions

People here come from a lot of different backgrounds, ages, and comfort levels with everything from Discord to small talk. So nothing below is assumed to be obvious — it’s spelled out on purpose, not because we think you need it explained like a child, but because “common sense” is rarely actually common across that much difference, and pretending otherwise is how good people get quietly excluded.

Discomfort is not the same as harm

A lot of communities trying to do this kind of work end up spending more energy policing tone, word choice, and comfort than actually building anything together — and it tends to land hardest on whoever already has the least power in the room. We’re trying to do something different here, which means asking something of everyone before we ask anything of anyone else: notice where your own reaction is coming from before deciding someone else needs to fix it.

A few honest questions worth sitting with, before saying anything out loud:

• What am I actually reacting to — something that put someone at risk, or something that just felt unfamiliar, direct, or unpracticed?
• Am I expecting someone else — especially someone with less power or standing here than me — to manage my discomfort for me?
• Is this really about safety, or about my own comfort with how something was said, who said it, or how directly?

If it’s useful, there’s a short reference chart — 14 Behavioral Responses to Inequality and Disconnection — that names some of these patterns plainly: expecting people to earn belonging by matching familiar norms, treating one style of speaking as the “professional” or “correct” one, assuming good intentions should automatically end a conversation, wanting to direct how someone else processes their own experience. Worth a skim, not a requirement, and not a checklist for diagnosing other people — it’s most useful pointed at yourself.

While You’re Here — Online or in Person

• Pause before reacting. A breath before responding is usually enough to tell the difference between something worth naming and something that just caught you off guard.
• One voice at a time. If you catch yourself talking over someone, just stop and hand it back — nobody will think less of you for it.
• What’s shared here stays here. Someone’s story, struggle, or half-formed idea isn’t yours to repeat outside the room, even to be helpful.
• Step back sometimes so others can step up, especially if you know you tend to fill silence.
• Get curious instead of correcting when someone’s experience, tone, or way of saying something doesn’t match what you’re used to.
• You can always pass, mute, or just listen. Nobody has to perform participation to belong here.
• If a topic’s heavy, say so before diving in — a quick “heads up, this one’s kind of heavy” is enough.
• Disagreement is fine. Contempt isn’t. Push back on ideas, never on someone’s right to be in the room, and never on how directly they chose to say something.
• In person, the same rules apply, plus the ordinary ones: ask before touching someone or their things, respect when someone says no, and don’t assume everyone shares your sense of personal space.

If You’re the One Vouching

Inviting someone into the Party Line or a Meat Space gathering means putting your own trust on the line for theirs. Before you do it, here’s what you’re agreeing to:

• You’ve actually spent enough time with this person to believe they’ll hold these agreements — not just that you like them.
• You’re a reasonable first call for something small and confusing on their end, at least at first — not a permanent chaperone.
• If the person you vouched for is ever asked to leave, you’ll be told that it happened, and roughly why in general terms — enough to make an informed call about whether to invite them anywhere else here, not a full account of what anyone else went through. Their privacy, and the privacy of anyone they may have harmed, comes first.
• Vouching isn’t a one-time favor you do and forget. If someone you’ve vouched for is asked to leave more than once, the Care Circle will want to talk to you directly too — not as punishment, just because the whole vouching system only works if it stays trustworthy.

Where the Line Actually Is

Everything above is about how we try to show up for each other — imperfectly, with real room to grow, learn, and get curious instead of defensive. This part is different. It isn’t about tone, style, phrasing, or comfort. It’s about actual safety, and it doesn’t bend based on who’s involved, how something was phrased, or how good anyone’s intentions were.

• Harassment, threats, or targeting anyone — on a call, in person, or carried in from somewhere else.
• Hate speech or deliberate cruelty.
• Repeating what someone shared here outside of it, without their OK.
• Making someone feel unsafe for who they are.

These aren’t a warning conversation. They go straight to the escalation path below.

When It’s Not Easily Resolved: The Escalation Path

Most friction resolves itself in the moment, with a little grace. But sometimes it doesn’t, or it’s too serious to wait for that. Here’s what happens then, in order.

Step 1: Pause, and Get Honest With Yourself

Before saying anything, it’s worth a moment with the questions above — discomfort or harm, your reaction to manage or something that actually needs naming. Most of the time this alone changes what happens next.

Step 2: Go to the Person, Directly, If It’s Safe To

That’s how relationships actually get built — with someone, not around them. “Hey, can we pause that” is a complete sentence. Most of the time, this is genuinely enough.

Step 3: Loop In That Night’s Anchor (or the Gathering’s Host)

If going direct doesn’t feel safe, doesn’t land, or you’d just rather not do it alone, anchors and hosts can sit in on that conversation with you, pause things, redirect a topic, or ask someone to step back. That’s part of what they’re there for — support for the direct conversation, not a substitute for it. You don’t need to have already tried Step 2 to come straight here — do whichever feels safer.

Step 4: Bring It to the Care Circle Within 48 Hours

The Care Circle is a small, rotating group of a few people who’ve anchored or hosted for a while and agreed to take this on — not one permanent authority, in keeping with how everything else here is co-governed. Their names are always pinned in the Help Desk channel. Reach out to any one of them privately. They’ll listen, hear from anyone else involved if needed, and land on a next step. (See the Care Circle Handbook if you’re curious exactly how they coordinate and rotate.)

Some Meat Space gatherings are still small enough that a local Care Circle hasn’t reached them yet — that’s likely to grow the same way everything else here does, as more of these gatherings need it. Until then, Step 3 is the front line, and it’s taken just as seriously.

If you were vouched in by someone, they’re a natural first call for something small and confusing. For anything serious, go straight to the Care Circle instead.

Step 5: Zero-Tolerance Issues Skip Straight Here

Anything on the “Where the Line Actually Is” list above doesn’t need a multi-step process. The Care Circle can remove someone immediately to protect everyone else, and sort out the rest afterward.

This Keeps Changing — With You

Nothing here is handed down from somewhere else. Whoever hosts the first gathering in a place doesn’t own it afterward — the people who keep showing up do. Tracks, channels, even this page: none of it is fixed. If something here doesn’t fit your gathering, reshape it and bring it back to the group. If something’s missing — like a Care Circle that hasn’t reached your gathering yet — that’s worth saying out loud, at whichever door you came through. Signing below isn’t the finish line. It’s you saying you want a real hand in building what comes next, not just a seat at someone else’s table.